Friends, allies (clients? hit me up!), I come before you today a much wiser Dout than I was the day previous.
Yesterday’s rollout of the UDC was a dang mess, and my staff takes full responsibility for any errors you may have encountered in our analysis of the hacker collective Team Takedown. First, I want to apologize to the incredibly gifted actor Jesse Plemons when we suggested that he might be the target of yesterday’s hack.
Jesse, please understand me when I say that I am truly, deeply, apologetically certain that it was someone else’s fault. Not mine. I promise whichever person I suspect of making that mistake will never work at the UDC again. You can still sign up for UDC services free of charge, if you’d like to get on the ground floor of anti-cyberswarming security.
Secondly, Team Takedown (out of fear, perhaps?) has accessed one of my old email accounts and published what they suppose to be “incriminating” information about me and my activities with the UDC.
Rest assured, the Undeniable Drama Codex is NOT working with an alphabet soup of government intelligence agencies to sell your embarrassing information. We are certainly not undermining democracy in foreign countries via social media. I never joined a cult of rich perverts and don’t think they’d take me even if I wanted them to.
Those emails are the product of roleplaying sessions between me and my tabletop crew. That’s all they are. Now, I’ll thank you to respect my privacy.
Some people have asked me if I was humbled by yesterday’s events: absolutely not. Everything I do, I do for the good of the social experience. That includes sticking my nose in other people’s business and compromising the operational security of my own tech startup. It’s for all our own goods, and believe me: anyone who says differently will rue the day.
Speaking of rueing the day, I vow to not sleep until I personally see this Team Takedown drama through to the end. The elves in the UDC offices are hard at work crafting something that will be *the definitive and objective guide* to getting back at this group of teenagers who embarrassed me.
Keep your eyes locked here. Big things are on the way.