10.08 The Undeniable Drama Index

Yesterday, myself and my crackerjack team of dramalytics experts composed a master chart that contains all our predictions for the Team Takedown, Team Zander case study. Consider this your rosetta stone for all likely outcomes of the incident we are now witnessing (corrections on yesterday’s failures, notwithstanding).

It would be a grievous mistake to, like a child, follow arrow to data point, from arrow to datapoint. That’s not how the big boys do things. We consider the totality of the chart before us. That means we not only follow the data points and their connections, but also their placement within those semitransparent “spheres of social influence.” We also consider the shape the whole makes on the page and any freewheeling associations it causes in our minds. Remember: all drama is connected to all other drama in the universe.

Take a minute and relax your eyes. It doesn’t matter if you can read the data or not, it’s only important that you trust the data. Each arrow connecting point to point is composed of six thousand social interactions compiled from our key players over a period of several years. That is where the drama happens, and nowhere else. Got it? Now follow.

The Zone of Absolute Decay

Just underneath the four Zuckerberg Multipliers in the lower left hand corner of the chart, we find the Zone of Absolute Decay. This is a region, coined by myself, that describes those hidden influences that could be informing all of the drama that occurs on the surface. Truly, few people would make a confessional Facebook post about their traumatic dancing accident, or a physical altercation with a one-armed man, but we can deduce through deduction (duh!) that such incidents might be informing the action.

The nature of the algorithm does not lie, even by omission. It does not matter that David never posted about a dancing accident, the Undeniable Drama Codex is able to infer the reality of the dancing accident based on his social activity on the days surrounding the dancing accident.

Prediction: Progress along the Zuckerberg Multipliers tell us that David King has a bum knee from an ill-fated wedding reception he attended. Expect it to announce itself certainly and surely. This is why you should never let teens drink a few with the adults, even at a “”happy”” occasion like a wedding.

Undeniable Dramatic Corrections:

None of yesterday’s predictions played out. I’m not too big to admit that. But why? Operator error doesn’t explain it, because I’ve already fired all my stupidest employees. It’s possible the algorithm could have misread the data, like your smartphone calling out your “ducking” boss you mentioned in an angry text to your friend. This mistranslation in input is the likeliest explanation for yesterday’s mistakes.

I’d say I’m sorry for yesterday’s missteps, but I’m not.


— Dout

Author: UndeniableDramaCodex

The Undeniable Drama Codex is the Internet’s fastest way to isolate, track, and predict social media disturbances as they happen. Our founder, J. Dout’s incredible analysis uses complex systems management to stay one step ahead of stories of dubious and low intrigue. Contact ask today to ask how your brand, business, or public persona can benefit from the Undeniable Drama Codex’s unique research. Ask for a consultation today!

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